Tuesday, May 17, 2011
blog
In the last post, I reminisced about trainee life back in AFS and was then about to leave AFTC after working there for 1.5 years. I resolved to write a reflection of AFTC working life when I ORD in July 2010.
The reflection never came. On hindsight, perhaps it was good that I didn't do one because mere words couldn't possibly do adequate justice to the absolutely awesome time I spent in AFTC. Then again, one must never find excuses for sloth and I hereby admit that the predominant reason for the failure to write the reflection is due to procrastination on my part.
A year on, I have decided to start writing again. Why so? Firstly, it's holidays and lack of time is no longer a valid excuse. Second, writing in relatively long prose allows me to express my emotions to a degree that no Facebook update or Twitter tweet can afford me. Thirdly, I guess I am still longing, almost to a point of pining, for the (relatively) simple life that I led then. A great reminder of this was my former Command Chief Warrant Officer (CCWO) initiating a chat with me on Facebook. Our last talk before this was back in start July 2010. 10 months have passed but it certainly felt like I have lurched from one world to another.
Reflecting on the past Academic Year, I have found that I was not as happy as I was before. Something was missing in my life. It took me some time before I finally arrived at the answer - I was looking for a kind of friendship in university that I couldn't possibly get. As one person told me, it was unrealistic to harbour my expectation of friendship in university.
Some people asked me why I decided to sign on to the RSAF that time. Although there was an element of impulsiveness, I was unable to put a finger on the exact reason. Now, looking back, I can confidently say that I was impressed by the camaraderie, the bonds and the espirit de corps that existed in the uniformed services. Perhaps, it was an influence from my days in National Police Cadet Corps where I found most of my good friends. However, there is no denying that I relish the kind of friendships that I forged during BMT and OCS - the kind where I can expect someone to "watch my six" (i.e. watch my back) while I watch his too. There was implicit trust in each other. No questions were asked even in the most onerous of situations. We knew the meaning of leading by example. Never ask your friend to do what you won't do. When my friend decides to do a difficult task, I follow, no questions asked, because his actions are the best proof of his leadership and I trust him. It is that simple.
Now, it is difficult to make friends in university when a good part of your social circle are at best acquaintances. Although I forged some good friendships, something just feels missing - the kind of friendship that can demand my total faith and loyalty. Here, it does seem that 'friendship', if it is really friendship, is of a more reserved kind, where faith, loyalty and trust is dished out but with a certain portion still reserved within each individual. As for acquaintances, well the less said, the better.
Perhaps, as that guy said, I am asking for too much. Perhaps.
Maybe this Chinese sentence is all too accurate - 酒逢知己千杯少，话不投机半句多
shermon blogged @ 12:49 am
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