Wednesday, December 26, 2007
blog
ok at this point in time with a levels over and me totally in the right frame of mind for ns, something starts to nag at me now.
to be precise, it's not something, but a few people.
nagging about what? not ns (which i managed to convince my parents that it's a virtual holiday camp and nothing i cannot handle), not a levels (once again my persuasive ability reassured my parents that my a level results are going to be fine even though deep down i think it's the contrary).
it's about university, faculty choice and scholarship application.
omg i thought i have decided on those stuffs long ago?
nope it seems that my parents and in particular my aunt have been trying to convince me to keep my options really open (hidden meaning: we think you should rethink your current choice).
i was pretty sure that i made a firm decision regarding the above 3 stuffs. i want to go ntu double accountancy and finance degree course. scholarship-wise, i will only apply for one, if my results permit that is.
i have decided well in advance (thanks to those boring bus trips home which gave me sufficient time to decide such stuffs) about such things. most parents would be thankful that their child could have sensibly come to such a firm decision instead of leaving all options open and remaining undecided.
but no. my parents' office opening the day before gave them enough ammo to hit me with a barrage of questions. consequently, self-doubt started to creep in. this is what i fear.
it's really sickening though, listening to what my parents nag me about.
"you know so-and-so's daughter is applying for cambridge and the teaching scholarship. if she is even doing that, we do not understand why you just adamantly refuse to go overseas and study?" - ok fine. what she applies for is none of my business really. she want to go cambridge, not my business also. i do not care if she was perceived as 'less smart' than me (purely due to the fact that my psle score was higher than hers). i had made my own choice.
ok parents' side i have gotten used to it, but it's my aunt who really sowed the seed of doubt in me because after all she's a corporate high-flyer and admittedly she asks rational questions which i can't afford to dismiss easily.
her reasons?
1) an overseas degree distinguishes you from the rest of the candidates in the interview pool next time. in essence, the brand is important.
2) exposure to different culture and different way of learning/working.
3) what's the point of having gone to ri/rjc and yet still ending up in the same course as my cousin who's one year my senior. admittedly i have been beating her in results since pri sch, much to the chagrin of her mother who hates me, but that still is a sucky reason not to study in local uni.
4) ok admittedly the double degree is to 'make up' for the lack of an 'overseas brand'.
5) financially, my aunt says that there are certain scholarships which are less popular but they have shorter bonds and yet allow me to study in overseas uni. it's up to me to search for them.
after listening to such questions, i started questioning my objective/purpose/intention of studying locally.
1) save money and time. i do not have to waste money on a more expensive overseas education and spend time flying there and back for any holidays/occasions -> admittedly my parents say that 2 years later, they might be able to send me overseas if i wish to, but i hate wasting money.
2) pursue other side activities -> oh geez, what other activities i can pursure besides my uni education? side business (it's a difficult process having to juggle both). cca (oh please i am not talented nor endowed with athletic abilities).
3) get that first class honours degree -> ok fine i am just plain lazy, wanting the greatest results on minimal effort. singapore's uni are not necessarily easier. with enough effort i can accomplish that overseas.
4) join an organisation and create a good social network -> with the right personality you can always make friends anywhere, not necessarily only in singapore. face it, you just want a higher chance of getting a girlfriend (now THAT's a really really really shallow reason).
i always thought that i had everything up to 25 planned out and covered. yet, with all these seeds of doubt, i have begun to question my decision again and in the process just feeling frustrated and confused.
admittedly i have kept my options open even though i pretty much decided on certain things. that day i was just asking a friend of mine how her uni life in the usa was like. being the dogmatic realist, i know that i cannot afford to just blindly look at one route and discard all other possibilties. yet, it looks like i am being more 'dogmatic' than 'realistic'.
sometimes i tell myself that i have 2 years to settle and think about such a problem, but the fact is that i have to make a choice, no matter sooner or later. in march, i am going to receive my a levels results and a choice has to be made from then on (uni and scholarship applications, faculty choices etc).
in short, i am just confused. a decision has to be made. it can't be hasty for it pretty much dictates what the rest of my life will be like.
and besides, i have no desire to lose the bet with ming loong that i will be studying in a local uni (ok that's a really really stupid reason).
shermon blogged @ 10:00 am
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