Friday, March 16, 2007
blog
ok i am still having trouble motivating myself to study for common tests. i am stuck on macro economics for the past few days and have not started on others yet. the only glimmer light at the end of the tunnel seems to be the fact that i am close to (but not yet) finishing econs. a short burst of motivation and willpower might do the trick to close the chapter (for now) on econs.
in any case, i have not thoroughly enjoyed myself for the past few days while others were studying. i guess getting your brain overloaded with chemistry stuffs that are probably not even applicable in first or second year university is not a very pleasant feeling. somehow i just get more depressed after each successive session as i begin to know how much i do not know. throw in the totally monotonous journey to and fro nie, which i usually spend most of the time sleeping or just stoning, and i begin to understand the reason behind the lack of motivation and the general fatigue i have been feeling over the past few days.
nevertheless, yesterday was the last session of phase 1 training. the dreaded thing, the selection test for phase 2, looms large ahead. in fact, it will be on next next wednesday. another dread, only 4 people + 1 reserve out of 26 will be chosen for phase 2. it is really such a pity when for ipho, 8 out of 19 people will be chosen, more than twice the proportion. in the past few days, i have come to appreciate the fact that every individual who is in phase 1 are really brilliant in chemistry (perhaps except me, but that's for another day =\). they definitely do not deserve to be deprived off the chance to go for phase 2 training.
yet, the sad truth in life is that, there can only be 4 places in the national team. it is not a matter of whether you are brilliant or not but rather a question of whether you are more brilliant than others. in short, we are forced to compete for a place and undergo a dog-eat-dog hobbesian situation where we have to constantly be ahead of others just to retain that competitive edge. there's no point now in just pursuing self-advancement since everyone is also improving, resulting in no net advancement for oneself. instead, you have to advance at a faster rate than others in order to have an added edge.
it's this sad truth that makes me think that proponents of the motto "the only person you have to beat is yourself and you must do your best" are perhaps too naive or myopic in their view. in order to survive, you not only have to beat yourself and do your best. most importantly you also have to beat others to achieve your aims. this selfish, cruel situation starts from the point of conception (when sperms compete to fertilise the egg) right up to the point of death. there can be no winners without losers.
we are all inherently selfish and will stop at nothing to ensure our survival. some may bring up examples of sharing of resources or perhaps even acts of selflessness. they might, in the process, forget that these people are willing to share in order to attain greater social integration or result in some intangible benefits which may lead to better chances of survival. given the chance of no negative backlash resulting from selfish, and some say rational, acts, individuals will resort to anything to survive.
yes, i think humans are all inherently selfish, including myself. yet, what differentiates us from the beasts that roam this world is the way we compete with others and the methods we choose to compete with. instead of the unscrupulous methods beasts use, we are restrained by our ethics and morals and employ methods that will do the least damage to our conscience/morals/ethics.
maybe i cannot make everyone happy, but i am pretty sure that i will choose to make those people who can give me the greatest benefits, tangible or not, happy first. as for the others, maybe making them unhappy is not good but i will definitely make them less happy than the first group.
c'est la vie.
shermon blogged @ 4:34 pm
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