Wednesday, March 08, 2006
blog
I usually dread March because it is the time that makes or breaks my year. Usually, by this time, my start-of-year enthusiasm would have reached the lowest point. This year, it is no different.
Actually, this year was not meant to be that bad. At the start of the year, I had a very clear target of what I want to achieve after JC and what I wanted to achieve in JC. However, my parents just scuttled my clear target by advising me to pick another course in uni cos my target would be disadvantageous in the workforce. I found no reason to disagree with them and as such I found myself having to consider other options again with no true, clear target in sight.
Another thing is that I found myself reconsidering my priorities for certain things. First and foremost is my committment to competition programming. To be truthful, I was very disillusioned with competition programming ever since last year's NOI and with the failure to qualify for the school team this time, I asked myself if it was really worth to continue learning in competition programming since I am not going into Computer Science next time. Besides, I feel that I have learnt enough programming techniques to complete practical applications. I mean looking at last year's Exlab project, I did not even use any O(n log n) sorts, DFS or BFS search or even Dijkstra's Algorithm. All I needed was a clear framework of logic flow. Sometimes, I just lie on my bed and wonder to myself, do I still have the interest in computer science to sustain myself in comp sci club? Do I still find the interest in programming that I have had back in sec 1 or sec 2? I am in a dilemma on whether to continue competition programming or not.
Also, somehow I just feel that something is missing inside me now. As to what is missing, I just cannot put a finger to it. Perhaps I have too much free time on my hands now. I would prefer something to keep myself occupied and burn my free time away, but I just can't seem to find that 'something'. Another CCA? 3 clubs is more than enough already and I want to spend quality time in the clubs, not only quantity time.
I came home early today and took an afternoon nap. The time seem to be passing really slowly. Everyday is just a repetitive cycle of going to school, going for lessons then going home. Somehow, I find myself hating this cycle yet I find myself not doing anything to break out of this cycle. Every night, I find myself stoning in front of the computer with no more websites in mind to surf.
Am I just doomed to be stuck in this cycle for the rest of this year? I think so. Perhaps, floating aimlessly around allows you to weigh all the best options available and, hopefully, make a good decision on your next destination. Perhaps, after all, this is but a transition period for me now, a time for me to truly and seriously reconsider where I want to go next.
shermon blogged @ 9:09 pm
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